Talk To Me
by spikeluvver91
Summary: AU spuffy fic. Starts at the end of season six episode As You Were. There is so much the characters could have done to keep events from happening.
1. As You Weren't

**Disclaimer**: Joss is amazing, he is my hero. My stories would not be possible without him seeing as I am borrowing everything, own nothing, and have nothing to be sued for.  
**Timeline**: During/After season 6 episode As You Were; AU after that.  
Previously Posted as As You Weren't. Changed title to include more of season six.

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"I'm using you. I can't love you. I'm just ... being weak, and selfish..."Buffy moved to turn away.

A single word sliced through the all-too melodramatic silence that followed, "Rot."

"Excuse me?" Annoyed and tired from saying goodbye to two lovers today, Buffy wasn't looking for a comeback from the blonde vamp.

Spike, however, wasn't having any of it." Rot, all of it. You _can't_ love me? You're afraid to love me. You haven't loved anyone since your precious little Angel and guess what- you got hurt. And now, you can feel it, building up inside of you. I'm a worthy opponent, an equal. You could love me. And it scares you. It scares you that you could find someone as strong as you and who would be there with you who isn't sodding _Peaches_."

"You think this is about Angel?" A disbelieving Buffy stared at him with wide eyes,"It's not. I would deny that a part of me will never stop loving Angel, but the rest of me moved on." She stared at him with her mouth set in a thin line of determination.

Spike however, seemed amused. "You moved on. Hmm, to who? Parker? Captain Cardboard? You can't honestly tell me that you could them when they...," He took a step toward her, "couldn't..," Another step,"..keep.." another, "up." Spike now stood right in front of her.

She stared at him, head-on, unfazed, "You honestly think I never got over him."

He gave her one of those looks that could melt her insides, "I honestly think you never tried. Or did I miss the Buffy date-a-thon?" A friendly twinkle crept into his eyes.

She wasn't taking the bait. As quickly as Spike could blink she was across the room pacing herself into a frenzy.

"Well, you know, you're right." She was good at sarcasm, really good, "I mean, after Riley left, I should have just gone out and tried to find me a man to lean on. But, oh wait, then my mother died," The evident pain crept into her voice, "Oops, guess I'll have to tell that perfect guy to move our date to the next week. But then, gosh, there's a hell-bitch trying to kill my sister and destroy the whole world in the process," following the pain, anger became the dominant emotion in her voice, "I guess saving the world _again_, takes the front seat to coffee, huh?" A tilt of the head completed the picture of a mightily pissed-off Buffy, "But after that was over, I should have spent the summer dating and getting back out there, except, silly me, I forgot.. I was _dead_."

He quickly strode into her line of pacing and put his hands on her arms, effectively stopping her. "Buffy, stop. Look at me," The look on his face was serious, and demanded her attention, even though it was barely smiling, " I love you. I've loved you for a long time. Hell, I think part of me has always loved you. To risk sounding like a cheesy pop song, I think I loved you before I even knew you existed," Buffy tried really hard not to smile, "You have a strength. It radiates off of you in waves and we unworthies bask in it. It's not the slayer thing. Who else but you could go through all that you have and still be standing? You've stopped the Master, the Mayor, a Hell-god, and hell, you even stopped _me_." She smirked, "I love you. I've been hurt before. I've felt like I was torn apart inside, and I can still say it and feel it and love you with _everything_ that I am. And I do. I love everything about you with all of my heart. I'd do anything for you. I'd die for you- more."

At this Buffy pulled away and turned her back to him. Spike was afraid he'd pushed too much, taken things too far. As he reached for her she turned."

"You think you can just say that?" She was openly crying, "You think that you can do all that you've done and come back? That after everything I've put you through and you put me through that you can just stand there and say those things and I'll run into your arms and we'll just be... what? Happy?" She was ranting now, there was no denying it.

"I'm saying what I feel. And I think it's about time you did too. Life is painful. It's taking chances and doing something other than cutting yourself off and trying not to feel anything because you're afraid. So, what do you do?"

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Might be a one-shot. Trying to develop into an entire story. Reviews are **really** appreciated.  
spikeluvver91


	2. The Wedding

Disclaimer: Joss is the king, and we are merely poor peasants who bow before him. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

She shouldn't have left. She shouldnt have used him. Buffy had a long list of things she shouldn't have done. But, thesedays there wasnt a lot she was doing right. Ever since she got back, every decision she made was the wrong one. _Now isn't the time, _she thought to herself, _wait until _after_ the wedding. _Then_ you can think about everything._

Buffy was slow getting ready, not entirely looking forward to Anya and Xanders big day. She knew she should have been happier for them. Happy for their nice simple little lives with two people that hadn't died several times between the two of them. Then again, it could be the radioactive dress that wasn't adding to her glee for the big event. She fixed her hair up nicely, and reluctantly wove the tacky white plastic flower into her golden locks. She checked her make-up as well as her emotionlessless expression to make sure she revealed no pain. When she lets others know her pain, it only leads to badness. _Spike always understood..._

Luckily, at that moment Willow cut into her thoughts. "Buffy, it's hideous. Oh my god Buffy look at its arms." _Arms, Spike has nice arms. Oh my god, what am I, a hormonal thirteen-year-old? New line of thought please._ Complaining about the dress, at least that was something she didn't have to lie about.

Walking down the hallway to Xander's dressing room, she thought about where they had been three years ago, when Xander and Anya had gone to the prom. Or back before that, when Anya was a vengence demon. Back then, being with Angel forever had been her biggest concern. _Maybe Spike is right, maybe I never really got over him. Wait, the words "Spike" and "right" in the same sentence, I must be losing it. _Besides, Spike and Angel were temporary. The world would go on after they were gone. She'd lost people before. Letting go wouldn't be so hard this time. _Sure, you keep thinking that._

Xander in a tuxedo. Xander getting married. Xander talking to her about he and Anya getting married. _How did we get here? If someone had told us four years ago that Xander would marry an ex-vengence demon and I would be sleeping with Spike...I would have laughed my butt off. And then slayed them._  
"How do you know Anya's the one?" The words were out of Buffy's mouth before she'd even thought about them.  
"I've actually been thinking about that a lot lately, with the wedding and all," Xander began,"I love her, Buffy. When she's around, its like my whole life, all the apocolypses, all the ups and downs, were for getting me here, with her. When I'm with Anya, life isn't hell. Kinda ironic, with her being an ex-demon and all, I know."

Watching Anya walk down the aisle to Xander actually made Buffy happy. She still couldn't believe they actually did it, they actually got married. _Well, they deserve it. _Xander was a married man, and the wedding was beautiful. Of course, there was that pesky demon she had to kill before the wedding started, but what did they expect? They were on a Hellmouth. _I think half the wedding guests would have been disappointed had there not been a demon killin'._

Xander and Anya walked out of the wedding chapel hand in hand, under a shower of birdseed, at Dawn's request ("Do **you **want dead birds everywhere? I heard about weddings, rice, and pigeons. There are diagrams, do you want me to show you the diagrams?") And despite their differences, their individual pasts, and their concerns about their future, they were in love. Buffy couldn't help but remember Xander's words, _"When I'm with Anya, life isn't hell."_

The only time she could bear living was when she was with Spike. Sure, that feeling Xander explained was intensified because she had been in heaven, but that didn't make it any less real, did it?

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I know, I know, I cut out the Buffy and Spike scene from the wedding, along with the goth-girl (I know you all love the goth-girl, but what can I say- my prerogative.) But I promise I'll make it up to you. And as always reviews are **really **appreciated.- spikeluvver91


	3. Never Normal

Disclaimer: I love my BtVS characters that Joss gave me for getting good grades! Wait, what do you mean I _can't _have them? Fine, I am content to just play with them.

Timeline: During the graveyard scene during Normal Again, except Buffy was never injected with crazy juice. How can I do that, you ask. Because I just can! yay!

Author's note: I know it's been a while since my last update, but the craziness of soccer, drill, and insanity killed my inspiration. Luckily, the occurrence of an "up until 4am" cured that, temporarily. Hope you enjoy.

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"You looking for me?" Spike was surprised to see Buffy in his graveyard, especially since he hadn't seen her in days. He had made the active decision several times to stay away; his not going to Xander and Anya's wedding for example. He'd thought about going with some pathetic excuse for a date but simply seeing Buffy would be too painful, no matter what.

"Really not," Buffy replied, not even looking back as she spins her stake idly between her fingers.

"Right then, off you go," Spike knew better than to push Buffy, took him long enough to learn _that_ lesson, but he finally got it.

"Right, go, as in home," Buffy turned to face him," Really not a place I want to be right now. I could always stand to stay here and annoy you for a little while. It's a slow night." _Why did I say that? Now it'll be awkward and I'll have to make "small talk", whatever that really is._ Buffy lifted herself to sit upon the nearest large tombstone and swung her feet.

Spike's eyebrows rose in surprise. "No annoyance, kind of fun, seeing how long it takes you to start thinking about how much you want your hands on my hot, tight body." Spike accentuated this statement with a leer and his tongue curled against his teeth suggestively as his hands ran across the body in question.

Now it was Buffy's eyebrows that were raised as she shook her head, "You never change."

Spike smirked, and turned to lean on the headstone next to Buffy. "What can I say? I'm nothing if not consistent."

No weak retort came from Buffy. _Think of something boring. Concentrate on anything but Spike being so close to you. Something boring... something boring... something, LINT! Yes, lint, good, no one could ever think lint was interesting or a turn-on. Unless, someone really liked lint. But come on, lint has to be the most boring thing in the world..._

"Do you think lint is the most boring thing in the world?" Buffy surprised even herself when she blurted out what crossed her mind.

"Pardon me?" Spike had the expression on general amusement mixed with disbelief that Buffy Summers wanted to talk with him about lint.

"I was thinking lint, like pocket lint, has to be the most boring thing in the world. You think?"

"I don't know, Slayer," Spike's expression now revealed minimal interest and slight concentration on the subject at hand, "I think more along the lines of a fork."

"A fork?"

"You know, Slayer, metal pronged instrument used in civilized people's eating habits," At Buffy's glare his tone switched from teasing to explanatory, "People use them everyday, most people anyway, and never think a thing of it."

"You've had time to think about this."

"Eh, comes from over a century of wasting time, yeah."

"Uh huh. But, what makes a fork more or less boring than, say, a spoon?"

"Okay, fine, have it your own bloody way. Eating utensils, disregarding knives of course. _Those_ can prove interesting."

Ignoring the last remark, Buffy pressed on with the ridiculous subject at hand, "Don't some people collect them, forks or spoons?"

Aggravated slightly over being on the questioned side of a pointless debate, Spike retorted, "Well, pet, maybe some people collect lint. Ever think of that?"

"People that collect lint? Now _that's_ scary," A wide eyed Buffy stared at Spike in mock horror.

"Demons and vampires get you geared up to fight the good fight, but the lint-man makes you tremble in terror. I'll never understand you, Summers." A good natured smirk appeared on his face."

"As it should be." Buffy turned slightly more from where she sat and noted again her nearness to Spike and an awkward silence fell over them both.

"Where do we stand?" Buffy wasn't used to being so blunt, but a part of her desperately wanted to get through all the bull.

Spike paused, "Well, that's up to you, innit? Always has been."

"Love's bitch?"

"Eternally."

She sighed, tilting her head back slightly to look at the stars on the warm California night, "How did we get here?"

"'Here' being..."

"Oh, I dunno," Buffy turned to look at Spike and smiled, "In a cemetery debating the finer points of pocket lint, trying to avoid talking about what we're really thinking."

"That's life, isn't it?" Spike stretched enough to crane his neck up without falling down next to the stone that he was so precariously leaning against.

"Ah yes," Buffy replied with irony in her voice, "This was my greater purpose of coming back from the dead."

"So maybe the whoosits and whatsits that make the world turn got bored, or are up for a little game of "torture the girlie"."

Buffy answered that with a snort, "Yeah, or maybe life just sucks, no higher purpose, no giant plan that we all fit into."

"How lovely, pocket lint and an exciting round of 'define life, isn't this sucky'." Spike looked at the stars, amazed that through all of the apocalypses, they still looked the same as they did one-hundred and twenty years ago.

"You're the one to direct the conversation. And might I add, "sucky"? Getting a little vocab lesson from me?" Her amusement was anything but subtle.

"Yeah, well, what can I say, you've turned me into a right poof."

"That's me, Buffy the Vampire Tamer. Siegfried and Roy watch out."

"So, did you cry?" At her blank look he elaborated, "The wedding. Two hearts joined for eternity, great pelting showers of rice and so forth. Was it fun?"

"Birdseed, actually. Although I didn't really desperately need another reminder of how my life should be and isn't, it was all right."

"I'm surprised Sunnydale made it through an actual wedding without a major battle."

"Oh, there was the demon that tried to scare Xander into not marrying Anya. It had concocted warnings of doom and the whole "Marty, I am from the future" routine, but been there, slayed that.

"Random occurrence?"

"Anya's former client. Or, actually, the client's wish. Tortured male figure or whatever. Wronged the wrong woman and had to get all angsty on the vengeance demon's big day..."

"Is to be expected." Both Spike and Buffy seemed a bit uncomfortable now.

"Yeah, well," Buffy fidgeted slightly.

"Right, then..." Spike noticed her agitation.

"I guess I should get back, you know, home." As much as she was not looking forward to it, home was where Buffy should be right now, dealing with drama.

"Right, don't want to leave the assorted Scoobies too long."

"Seems like a slow night."

Spike wondered, "Do you think this'll ever get less..."

"Awkward?" Buffy had been wondering the same thing for a while now.

"Yeah."

Buffy jumped down from the headstone with something akin to the grace of a cat, "Don't know. I hope so. I half-expect one of us to start polishing Giles's glasses."

Spike laughed, suddenly left with an image of them both with spectacles they were feverishly cleaning with expensive handkerchiefs. "I miss this, you know."

"Witty banter about pocket lint and how much life sucks while sitting in a graveyard?"

"Well that, yes," Spike smiled, "But also just talking to you. Being friendly, non-homicidal, in the same room, or lack of room."

Spike was smiling at her in that special way that never failed to make her feel like the only girl in the world. When his eyes were lit up like that and the corners of his lips were curled slightly up she didn't know whether she wanted to kiss him or cry. "You gotta admit that we can have the strangest conversations."

"As proven by pocket lint, forks, life, demons, weddings, and Siegfried and Roy."

"Yeah, and I...I miss you, too, sort of. Without you, it gets..." Buffy was nervous how to finish her sentence, but was cut off by Spike anyway.

"Boring, right. I'm sure it gets real boring," Spike's tone turned colder and he stood up to leave, "Right then, best be off, so long for now and all that bugger. I suppose I'll be seeing you. What with the apocalypses around every corner." With that he turned quickly, coat melodramatically snapping behind him. And like a shadow, blended into the night, leaving Buffy alone to look on.

"Lonely. It gets lonely." Buffy turned and headed towards home.

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I'd like to point out that the pocket lint vs. spoon debate was one I actually held with a person (I was for the pocket lint). And the "Marty" joke was of course a reference to Back to the Future (I, II, & III). A few of the best movies ever. Yes, unless it was not common knowledge, I am a dork. Still cool movies laughing. As for the pocket lint conversation, I tried to add a bit of the random humor the show always had that I love.(Does no one remember Oz and Willow talking about animal crackers and monkey-pants?), so call it my little homage to Joss and Marti.  
Also, I'm trying to write longer chapters... so I'm working on it people!

And as always reviews are **really **appreciated. Feedback is why I write, other than my insane obsession to have Spike and Buffy together, which the show didn't provide me enough of. Evil writers. Of doom.


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